Bradley's Buzz

26 Years Ago In Knots Landing...

We continue our little trip down memory lane and TV fun, with episode 6 of my beloved soap Knots Landing, where a certain little pixie full of hair and stacked to high heaven, makes her one and only appearance in Knots Landing - yes, Lucy Ewing is here and she's a heaping helping of 2' fun!


Episode 6 – HOME IS FOR HEALING
Original Airdate: January 31, 1980
w: Rena Down d: Roger Young

Well, strike up the conga and call me Ricky because like that Babaloo loving bandleader, I too love Lucy! Sure, we have different opinions of what a Lucy should be, he prefers a loud mouthed, feisty redhead who is begging to be institutionalized while I, on the other hand prefer a kewpie doll blonde brat who is all hair and boobs.. so let’s take a look at MY Lucy and why we should all love this little gem known as “Home Is For Healing”.

As we meander through those iron gates and wander into the Ewing bedroom, we discover a little Gary in blue undies, I gasp, but that’s only the first shot. He is reading a book, I gasp again and its still only the first shot. He turns off the light when he sees his Valene heading under cover and figures its time for a little Ewing loving.

Valene gets out of bed looking at her man in a rather strange way. Gary realizes he may not be getting any so he turns the light back on and picks up his book. Valene comes back into the doorway from the bathroom wearing a sexy little teddy. This time Gary gasps. He says to the rather uncomfortable Valene, “Why’d you do that?” Valene lets her guard down, “I know. That Mati Hari from next door told me to buy it. I told her it wasn’t me.”

I get the impression Gary doesn’t care who it is. But dear bumpkin Val opts to run back into the bathroom and put on her granny nightie. She hops back into bed and the two start making out. It just goes to show you, it doesn’t matter what you wear when heading to bed with Gary, its’ all going to end up on the floor in a heap anyway.

Our Ewings start getting hot and heavy and who knew they had in them. At least together. The phone rings and Gary refuses to answer but eventually the ringing annoys him as much as it does to me. On the horn (unseen) is Gary’s little brother Bobby, from that other big time CBS drama. I only know it’s Bobby cause Gary tells me so.

Valene is suddenly in a tither and more than happy she isn’t wearing that little negligee. Bobby (unheard) tells our Ewings that the little pixie back at Southfork has found out that her Mama and Daddy have remarried and needless to say, its just one more drama in that household. Val hops on the horn and tells Bobby she is going to Dallas and asks him to talk to her lovely Lucy for her.

Val is up and packing before Gary can calm his shorts. “What good is it going to do,” he asks for the first of many times in this episode. Val tells him she needs to go and she needs to go alone because only she can explain this sordid lesson to their grown up harlot daughter. It all makes me wonder if this was just an add in for our show or if on Dallas (perhaps in the episode before this one) Lucy did indeed find out about her parents.

In fact, during Lucy’s whole journey in Knots Landing, no one ever says how exactly she did find out. As it turns out, after doing research Lucy (like Bobby’s phone call) finds out about Val and Gary completely off screen from either Knots or it’s parent show. But I of course, digress…

Val heads off to Dallas where she is at Texas T&A or wherever Little Lucy is attending college. I’m sure no matter what her alma mater will end up being; it was called T&A when she attended. Lucy is talking to a young couple who seem to be her friends, I don’t know since I don’t watch Dallas but I do know they’re not Wendy Jo Sperber or Helen Hunt which means Diana Fairgate has better friends than Lucy Ewing.

The boy asks our Lucy if she has any plans for vacation where our Lucy insists she should stay home and study because she’s flunking biology. The boy says the same thing that we are all thinking, “I didn’t think someone like you could flunk biology.” He even offers his assistance in front of his girlfriend. Lucy sends the extras on their way when she sees her Mama.

Valene goes to Lucy and our little pixie insists she has nothing to say to her mother. “Please you have to let me explain,” says our Val. She wants to take this opportunity to let her daughter know that both her and her daddy love her and that’s why they kept in such a big secret. “We wanted to make sure that we’d stay together before we brought into the spin off. Didn’t your agent explain this to you?”

Lucy is still unconvinced but Valene persuades her into going back to Knots Landing with her. Lucky for our Lucy this was spring break time. I am taking my spring break to figure out exactly how tall Charlene Tilton is. She is wearing big stiletto heels yet when she stands next to Valene (who can’t be very tall either) she is only up to Joan Van Ark’s chest. I decide that our Miss Tilton is some mechanically enhanced kewpie doll produced by Lorimar and made up of only hair, a face and boobs.

Gary is in a tither at Knots Landing Motors when the Bun Lady (that would be Karen) comes sauntering in. He pretty much ignores the woman and then finally explains to her the situation at hand. The wheels are already churning in Karen’s head and she can’t wait to organize some kind of welcome party.

After a few work phone calls, Gary finally gets the news that Lucy is coming to Knots Landing. His little blonde head goes into whirls when he realizes that he and Lucy are not very close. Gary tells his male friend Sid that he wasn’t much of a father to Lucy and is a tad worried about her coming. Sid tells Gary it will all work out, “Do you remember the pilot episode when my daughter came to visit. I was nervous too but it all worked out.” I think to myself at this point, “It did work out. Right after she stole your wife’s car, got your other daughter drunk, tried to seduce Kenny (and may have done it before we met her), got caught soliciting, called your wife a whore and smashed the entry way mirror. But sure, after all that, it worked out just fine, Sid.” I have to wonder if either of these mysterious daughters will ever visit their fathers again?

Karen obviously drove home as fast as she could because in our next scene, there she is picking flowers for Lucy in her front yard. Ginger comes sauntering over (yes, Ginger three episodes in a row!), she tells Karen how much she loves her flowers and Karen spills the beans that Lucy is coming to town. The Ging (as we all like to call her) tells our Kar Bear that she took her advice. “What advice,” says Karen, as we both say, “I give so much.”

Well, apparently The Ging Advice #4,598 was to tell Kenny that they are not going to any more parties. Since the writers are giving lines to The Ging, I can only assume at this point that there will be a party before episode’s end.

Our Dirty D comes running over about the same time with a couple of vases. Apparently these are not the vases that Karen wanted but Diana doesn’t want to empty the magic markers that are being kept in the vase Karen wanted.

We are saved from these three and their endless flower banter when the Pinto pulls up with blonde, blonder and blonderer. Ginger tells us all that they look like sisters and they are proof it pays to have your kids young. I bet Joan Van Ark slipped the writer a $20 to get that little gem in there.

Karen introduces herself, Ginger and Diana. She even forces Diana into hanging out with Lucy. Diana jumps right in, “Well, tonight a bunch of us are going down to the beach to protest about nuclear waste. We’ll be wearing black.” Lucy doesn’t understand a word this thing is talking about so she just smiles and says, “Why?”

“Why?,” says Dirty D, “because black is slimming.”

Karen interrupts her zealous little offspring and tells her she was thinking something more along the lines of Marine World. Once again the whole concept fogs over our Lady Lipgloss. “What’s Marine World?”, Val takes the reins this time, “Oh its wonderful. It has all these animals and you can eat popcorn.” Karen tells her she is taking the boys and the Averys. Lucy simply says, “Why?” Before entering the house.

Karen tells her daughter that she is going to Marine World whether she is tired from protesting or not. She also asks her chipmunk what she thought of Lucy. “Oh, she’s cute. If you like kewpie dolls.” Gee, looks like Marine World is going to be a hoot with these two. Personally, I would’ve loved to see Lucy out there all in black tearing down nuclear waste mongrels, for some reason I think they’d pay a little more attention to the kewpie doll than the chipmunk. If I were Karen I would just say, “Jealous much?” But then again that wouldn’t be very motherly.

Lucy runs into the house and thinks it’s the best thing since sliced bread. I realize she must really want to be here because I would think Southfork would be a tad more enchanting. But then again, having watched Dallas, this little five bedroom probably seems a little calmer.

Val takes her to the room her Grandmother had just stayed in and insists she loves this too. She is just so excited and cute, I can’t stand it. Gee, I hope this all works out. Val gives Lucy her rag doll and points to yet another doll in the corner, which just happened to be Lucy’s. Val has kept him for her all these years. Can you stand it?

Val starts unpacking Lucy’s bags and comments on all the pretty things she has. “Oh yeah Pamela works at that boutique so I always go in and charge up Granddaddy’s credit cards. It’s great. I got this lip shine there too.”

Lucy tells her mama to take one of the little teddy shirts she has her eyes on. “Go ahead Mama, it will look so good on you.” Valene insists she isn’t sweet 16 anymore. “I know when you were 16, you were pregnant with me.”

Gee, how much did all this cost Joan Van Ark? Val tells Lucy that the house finally
feels like home. She has always liked the house but it never felt like home until now, with Lucy in the house. Gary overhears and somehow the whole Lucy/Val thing makes him feel unwanted. If only there was a slutty blonde across the street.

Luckily the next day, our Gary runs into Karen Fix-it-all Fairgate. He is walking down the street which is a big no can do in California. She is driving by in her gas-guzzler and stops to offer a few words of advice. Gary doesn’t really want to talk to her right now but little does he know this is nothing compared to a Pollyanna Punch. She starts off by telling Gary that no one walks in LA, giving inspiration to Dale Bozzio of Missing Persons I’m sure. He tells her that things aren’t so great with Lucy and Karen hands him some of her dime store wisdom before taking off down the street.

Lucy decides to ring up Miss Ellie and she is, like Bobby, a no show but that doesn’t stop Lucy from talking into the telephone. Val is outside on the porch looking into the night when Gary walks out. “Miss Ellie doesn’t seem too upset that Lucy is here,” says Val.

“Well she never wanted this storyline anyway. She told us to tell Lucy.” Val agrees and realizes that it all does seem pretty silly now that Charlene Tilton agreed to this appearance.

Lucy gets off the phone and sits down by her Mama as Kenny and Ginger show up. Kenny tells the gang, “When you said their little girl, I didn’t know you meant Miss Dallas.” Since this is a compliment about her good looks, our little Lucy bounces right back into her Dallas persona and notices that Kenny has a bit going on himself. He asks how she likes California, “Well, I like what I’ve seen so far.” As her eyes look to the Ward jewels, and I ain’t talking about The Ging’s wedding ring.

Lucy admits she wants to see movie stars and Beverly Hills, and though Kenny can’t offer any of that he can offer Cosmic Steeple. “Have you heard of them,” says Kenny. “Of course,” says Lucy, “who hasn’t?” Well apparently, Ginger, Val, Gary and Me!

He tells them all that he is having a party the very next night with those Commie Sneakers or whatever, so they’re all invited. Lucy’s knitters are all in a perk pounce when she remembers she has to go to Marine World. She doesn’t seem as disappointed as I thought she’d be but she quietly declines Kenny’s offer.

We get a little Ward action when they arrive back home. Ginger snaps (ha! Get it!) and tells Kenny that he promised there would be no parties. He doesn’t remember the promise and heads right over to play some disco. The Ging tells him there isn’t going to be a party but he’s listening to the soundtrack from Airport ‘75 so loud, he doesn’t hear her.

Across the cul-de-sac, Lucy retires and Gary wonders if maybe she should go to the Camel Sonics party instead. Val thinks they should spend the night together and we all realize that Gary is trying to treat Lucy like an adult and Val is trying to treat her like a little girl. Oh my, how crazy this family can be.

The next day, Lucy is giving away clothes to Valene like she’s a traveling Goodwill Store. It seems they went shopping and Lucy got all kinds of goodies. Gary tells her that the shirt she bought Val costs as much as he makes in a week, sometimes two. I wonder suddenly how much that slave driver Sid pays our Garmeister? He wants to know if she used her credit cards.

“Well, of course,” says our Lucy. Gary tells her that if they are going to live as a family, she can’t use Granddaddy’s money and must live on the piddly stash that cheapskate Fairgate pays him. “Granddaddy wants me to have nice things,” says Lucy, “and you can’t give me advice now. Advice you should’ve given to me when I was little.”

The whole scene is quite energetic and Lucy storms the stairs as fast as those short little legs will get her. Val and Gary pause before speaking again, mainly due to the fact that Charlene Tilton still wasn’t all the way up the stairs. Val tells Gary that he was way too hard on her baby and I think to myself, it didn’t seem all that bad but with everything these three people have been through, I figure tripping on the curb is a reason to check yourself into Bellevue.

Gary decides to talk to Lucy. She lets him into her room but she doesn’t want to talk to him. She tells him that he can’t make up for lost time no matter how he tries. Poor Gary doesn’t know what to do.

Kenny doesn’t know what to do either because The Ging refuses to get dressed for his party. She tells him that she is not going to stick around while he parties it up with Copper Sneezes. She storms out of the house and realizes she has nowhere to go but when Kenny pumps up the volume on those disco strings, she realizes there has to be a park bench nearby.

The very next scene our Lucy is running down the stairs in a black disco dress. “Is that what you’re wearing to Marine Land?,” asks Valene. “I think not,” say I.

Lucy tells her folks that she is heading over to Kenny’s for the party instead. She invites Val, note: Val not Gary and tells her that Kenny invited everyone. Val decides she’d rather stay home and sulk than attend a party with a bunch of whippersnappers who are probably at least 5 years younger than her. (Joan Van Ark paid me to say that)

Lucy is having a high time dancing with the members of Comet Sprinkles. You know they are a band because they speak with British accents. Ginger is nowhere to be found and out of nowhere I get a terrible fright. This big nosed Dorothy Hamilled coiffed thing is looking at Kenny all cross-eyed trying to get at his little Ward.

She asks where Ginger is and when she realizes the wife is gone, she goes in for the kill. It seems these two are somewhat of an item and although Kenny’s always willing to hit on this thing, its only when Ginger is on the other side of the room that it really turns him on.

About this time we are saved (sort of) when Richard comes sauntering into the party house. He is of course without Laura who he tells Kenny was tired. My guess is Richard never told Laura he was going to the party and she thinks he’s putting out the garbage. Although he probably makes her do that.

Richard notices the blonde pixie flying all over the house and wonders who that is. Kenny informs the hairmeister that this is the Ewing’s “little girl.” Just about this time the party crashers known as the Fairgates come running in wondering, like I am, what they are doing there.

Richard goes to introduce himself to the little Ewing but she is already out the door as those boys from Conans Snippers invited her to a more “smoking” party. Seems
the grass is always greener over at Fast Freddy’s if you can dig man.

That thing with the nose and the bowl cut decides to take this opportunity and annoy the crap out of me by singing something that used to be a song. This thing by the way does have a name, why it’s that girl Sylvie (you know like Cher). She finishes slaughtering her song and saunters over to Kenny for a little more tit a tat where she admits that she doesn’t mind if Kenny only gets off when he’s sneaking where Ging can catch him. She likes that kind of thing too. Kenny leaves when the Ging finally appears and Richard asks if he can be an understudy in Sylvie’s Class of Ugly Love. She tells him she will keep him in mind.

The Ging tries to run into the bedroom but there is a couple doing god knows what they did in 1980. The Ging bugs her eyes out and they know they are in trouble. Kenny tells her he called all over but she doesn’t care. Around this time Gary decides he should talk to Lucy and smooth things over. It is then that our Garmeister discovers that Kenny lost the pixie.

Richard lets Gary know that she took off with that band, oh what’s his name’s band,
fabulous band, I forget the name.. Gary is upset and leaves. Kenny wants to know why he should know where Lucy is, after all she’s a big girl. “I’m not a babysitter,” says the wisenheimer, to which our Ginger snaps one more time, “No, but you need one.” Before slamming the bedroom door.

The next morning, a big yellow limousine comes driving into the cul-de-sac with a slightly worn out Little Lucy. Her mama and daddy are waiting up for the girl and she says what we all said when we walked in after a night of partying with a rock band, “Oh you’re up early.”

Val says they were worried and if they’re going to live together, but Lucy interrupts her Mama, “We’re not going to live together. I think that’s obvious. I still have three years on my Dallas contract.” Val and Gary are both stunned, as am I; “three more years they signed you for, huh?”

Val tries to talk to her daughter and Lucy suggests that her mama should come to Dallas with her. “It will be great, come on, Mama,” says our vixenish kewpie. Val doesn’t know what to do, her and Gary can’t just up and move, but once again Lucy interrupts, “Not daddy, just you.”

This upsets our Valene very much for she can’t just leave the Garmeister. They just got this house, they just met these friends, they just got a spin off. Btu because this is her baby, Valene is now in the next room packing up her luggage for
an unending stay in Dallas.

Gary reminds her that they are never going to give her as many lines in Dallas as they do in Knots Landing but she doesn’t care, she has to do this to make things right. “If Lucy gets on the plane alone, it’s over, and we’ll never see her again.”

Gary simply says, “Don’t leave me.” That poor Gary, I feel so sorry for him sometimes.. you know I
just love that guy.

Lucy is sitting on the Pinto putting on her lip shine and sunglasses when Red Avery comes jogging by. She stops and introduces herself and is distraught that Lucy is leaving so soon. “You know your mother and I have become quite close since she moved here. Although she still won’t remember that my mother died when I was 12, anyway, they talk about you all the time. I just love their story too, don’t you?”

Lucy starts to feel a tad worried and says, “What story?”

“You know how they were apart for 17 years and you brought them back together. They’re so fragile with each other, like they’re china dolls. They really love each other so much.” Our poor Lucy is suddenly sullen about taking her mama away from her daddy.

Val comes out and Laura notices that her neighbor has bags as well. “I’m taking Lucy back to Dallas,” says Valene. “How long will you be gone?” asks Red Avery, suddenly nervous that she will be the ONLY one in the cul-de-sac during the day.

Val starts to bawl and hugs Laura, “I’m so sorry.” Gary walks her to the car door and hands her the keys.

“I have never loved anyone the way I love you,” says Valene,

“Then don’t leave me,” says our big lug. And you know by this time, the big tit baby in me has come out and I’m bawling like a baby.

Val takes off as Gary and Laura share a moment. “How are you doing?” asks
Laura.

“Not good,” declares the Garmeister.
“and you?” Laura just nods her agreement.

Gary decides to walk over to Sid’s who has his head inside an engine once again;
does that car ever get fixed? Gary tells him that Lucy is going back to Dallas for good. He says he tried to be a father but couldn’t do it. Sid asks if he admitted his mistakes and told Lucy what a loser he was.

“No, of course not,” says Gary. Sid throws down his tools and tells him that’s why they aren’t having a happy Annie Fairgate ending. Gary realizes he must follow that Pinto.

Val decides there is enough time in the episode to stop at the beach. “Ever since I moved here I love coming to the beach, it’s a great place to run, and to think, and to not think, which is really what I prefer. You should’ve scene the first episode, I had a ball running in the water; it was a great scene and I have a feeling it will be one of the most treasured scenes for years to come,” says Val.

“Well then let’s go Mama,” says our desperate special guest star. The two walk along the sand and Lucy asks her mama if she’s thinking or not thinking. They decide this time they’re both thinking and they’re both thinking the same thing, “that I shouldn’t leave your daddy and come with you.”

Val explains to her girl that she was trying to recapture the Mama/Baby Girl thing that is long gone. She will always be her Mama but she found Gary after so long and really needs to be with him. Lucy reminds her that she is the one who brought them together and just at that moment, Gary comes running up behind him.

He tells his Lucy that he doesn’t want her to go back to Dallas. He explains that he left her behind, he left Valene behind, he was a drunk and a gambler and a runner. But he isn’t running from things now, he’s running to them and from behind them apparently.

He tells her they went too fast, they didn’t get to know each other again. He wants her to stay for the week. Lucy interrupts his tirade this time and says, “Daddy I get it, I understand. We didn’t get to know each other.”

She agrees to stay in Knots Landing for the week and I wipe those sissy tears that just keep coming whenever the Ewings lose something, get something or resolve something.

Val announces, “Oh you know what I want to do now? Something I’ve dreamt about ever since we moved here.” Lucy and Gary look at each other and don’t know what to expect. I think, “Don’t do it girl, do not say ..”

“Come on, run on the beach together. All of us.”

I say, “Oh no you didn’t.. “ as I know once those waves crash, the tears will fall.

Gary decides what the heck and throws off his shoes while Lucy still is a bit worried about the cold. She won’t drop her Candie’s but they finally drag her in when they lie and say it is only cold at first.

Gary and Lucy grab hands and Val grabs Lucy’s hand and they start running through the water. The camera pans out and it looks like a little girl and her parents running towards her and it makes me happy, then we move closer as Gary, Lucy and Val are running, rejoicing they have found each other, rejuvenating their relationships and running my eye sockets into red…

Oh yes, it was the visit of the Luc, the Boobaloo of young Dallas and almost Knots Landing. It was fun, it was touching, it was exciting, too bad this is our Lucy’s one and only visit to the cul-de-sac;

And speaking of visits to the cul-de-sac, hold onto your handle bars kiddies, cuz there’s a rambunctious little group of rednecks coming to terrorize our quaint and quiet little suburb; something tells me that we are upon the one episode of Knots Landing that we were probably better off never seeing…

Until I put on my sleeveless tee and bandana,

bradley

posted by swivek @ 4:57 PM