Bradley's Buzz

26 Years Ago In Knots Landing...

Episode #8 ‘CIVIL WIVES’
Original Airdate: February 14, 1980 – Valentine’s Day!

PHLIPPING PHILLBY FROM PHILLY
What a Valentine's Day our Kar Bear Fairgate is about to have. Well, okay the show doesn't actually take place on Valentine's Day but it did air on Valentine's Day in 1980 and Karen's marriage is about to be tested by a trampy woman named Susan Phillby. All I can really say about Susan right now is she is no Anne Matheson!

So who is this Susan Phillby you ask? Well, I’m glad you brought that up.. come with me on a journey into 1980 where we meet our fav gals of the cul-de-sac as that familiar Mercury Marquis wagon pulls up to the Fairgate house. Karen, Laura and Val hop out of the car and run to the back where Karen has bought a huge iron set of shelves. Karen is ever faboo in a pair of jeans and pig tails yet the girlie look doesn’t stop her from taking charge of this situation. She organizes the lift out of the iron shelves (something one like myself would notice actually appears in the Fairgate kitchen a few episodes later!) and as the girls heave and ho, dragging it to the front door we get our first drama.

Karen and Val tell Laura that she should go visit her ill father in Pittsburgh. Laura insists that Richard doesn’t want her to go. Our girls tell her she needs to just march over to that hairy little pipsqueak and tell him she’s going to see her father. She asks Karen, “Is that what you would do if you were married to him?” Karen simply says “yes,” when I would’ve expected, “I wouldn’t have married him in the first place.”

Karen leaves Val and Laura to bring the monstrosity into the house by
themselves while she runs back to the car to get a big trunk she has also purchased. I would’ve sworn the girls went rummage saleing but Val asks why Karen didn’t have it delivered so apparently this stuff is brand spanking new. As the girls unload the car full of junk, I mean Karen’s new furniture, a taxi pulls up. Some woman with a pristine outfit and perfect hair saunters up the yard, “You must be Karen,” she says.

“Why yes I am, “ says our gal still holding her trunk.

“I’m Susan, “ No bells ring in Karen’s ears, “Susan Phillby,” still nothing from our Kar Bear, “I went back to my maiden name after I divorced your husband you silly woman!” Karen realizes this is Annie’s mother, Sid’s ex-wife, the one who was married to our saint prior to us meeting him. Before I say, “Well come on in,” Karen invites the woman into her suburban world.

The gals of the cul-de-sac don’t know what to make of this East coast gal, especially since she is Sid’s ex-wife. Laura and Val just nudge each other on the couch as the two Mrs. Fairgates banter. Karen hops on the horn and tries to get through to Sid but he is off tinkering with a motor as usual.

Susan tells the girls that her lawyer was supposed to call Sid and set up this meeting as they have papers to go over about Annie. I think to myself it’s a little late to discuss custody, I mean she’s 18 years old. My bet is little Annie pulls the same crap in Philadelphia that she did in Knots Landing on episode one, so Susan wants her to move in with the Fairgates. But we’ll have to wait and see.

Karen finally gets Sid on the phone and he too is a little slow when he hears Susan is in town. “Susan?” he asks with no bells ringing, “You know your wife,.. umm ex-wife,” says Karen. Sid wants to talk to Susan, as he knows nothing about these papers or her visit. He wants to know why she’s there and Karen grabs the phone inviting her to stay for dinner. Sid insists that it not a good idea, I agree and by the nudging going on over at the couch, I think Val and Laura are in agreement with us all.

Karen gives Miss Piggy type kissies to her would be Kermit and hangs up the horn. She decides to let Laura and Val keep our Phillby company while she heads upstairs to clean herself off. Laura, of course takes this opportunity to bust out of there and leaves our hillbilly alone with our swanky special guest. I’m sure they’ll have a lot to talk about.

As it turns out they don’t have much to talk about at all with Val smiling every now and then, lowering her head and making sure she doesn’t look like a naïve country girl who’s uncomfortable. Sid comes running into the house and Susan throws down her cup of Valene coffee and heads up the one step entry way. She tells him he looks fabulous as usual. Val sees this as her opportunity and just hopes to heck that Sid will acknowledge her presence before she breaks into cold sweats. As Susan shamelessly flirts with her ex-husband, Sid finally says, “Oh Hi.” To Val who smiles again. Sid tells Susan he has to go change and runs upstairs. So Val smiles, lowers her head and makes sure she doesn’t look like a naïve country girl who’s uncomfortable.

Upstairs, Sid finds Karen changing into her thirteenth outfit; she can’t find one she likes. Personally I think they all look fine, it’s that damn bun in her hair that has to go. Sid wants to know why she would be so crazy as to let Susan stay for dinner. Karen laughs and calls her hubby vain when she realizes he thinks Susan is after him.

“Do you think that beautiful woman downstairs after 18 years came across the continent to hook up with you?” Sid waits until Karen is out of the room before he tells us, “I don’t think it, I know it.”

It occurs to me watching this little show, (this is where I contemplate what I’ve seen so far i.e. commercial break) that our poor Karen is always having to come out from her suburban bun hairdo and challenge it up with back East rich women who had flings or marriages with her husband of the time. This is really just a pre-op for the Anne/Mack scenes and I swear some of the same dialogue will be used. However, by the time we meet Anne, things are a little more heated up and despite this Susan trying to show us class and demeanor, had she run up against Anne Matheson, I think our little Annie would’ve kicked this woman to the curb, I also think that Karen is quite a bit younger than Sid, as both Sid and Susan look to be about the same age, while little Karen doesn’t look like she was in their class photo.

But don’t let this entire Philly phlippant stuff think there aren’t other things happening around the cul-de-sac because there is action everywhere (except for the Ewings).. over at Kenny and Ginger’s, The Ging has a new boyfriend. His name is Eric and he’s about 15 years old.

She comes home with a bunch of groceries and jazz records when Eric just happens to be riding his bike past the house. He stops in and brings some groceries in. The Ging puts on the records and they listen. It seems Eric’s grandfather loves old jazz and he even plays the saxaphone. I wonder which side of the family that Grandfather is on.

Kenny comes home and makes fun of their music and packs up a bag because those crazy Cosmic Steeple people are having more problems. Poor Ging is left all alone…

But not for long because Eric runs home for about two seconds, to grab some records and head back over to Ginger’s to give her a little company. Karen introduces Sid’s ex-wife to Eric but he doesn’t care and he’s back out the door to get some wooing done. Diana, however, doesn’t seem too impressed with this ex-wife woman. She has her crooked teeth all in a gnarl and when Susan announces she needs a hotel room, Diana just says,” Why not give her my room, that’s what we do when we have special company.”

Susan corrects the monster and says, “Guests, dear”; Diana raises her cheeks and leaves the room with Michael in tow. I’m not sure why Dirty D is so hostile but who knows with that girl.

“She’s a moody one,” says Karen. But Karen doesn’t stop talking there, oh no, she does what we all knew she would do, she invites Susan to stay with them, because why not? She is civil.

Over at the Averys, Laura tells her husband that her and Jason are going to see her father. The ever-loving bundle of hair tells her no. She tells him he is ill, to which Richard just tells her he will outlive them all. Finally she tells him that she already bought the plane ticket so I think the matter will be closed but oh no. He tells her to cancel the ticket. Just then the phone rings and its Sid. He wants Richard to come over and look at those papers regarding Annie. It seems Susan can’t find her lawyer and the papers are about a trust fund from the Phillby’s but the old Phillby daddy never trusted Susan to handle such things. Richard looks cock eyed at his wife and tells Sid he’ll be over there since he needs a change of scenery. You know
he’s just going to check out the guest star, after all, every single one who has come onto the show, he has hit on. You know it’s just a matter of time before he finally goes after one full force.

Richard looks over the papers and tells us all what they are about. It seems Susan wants to give Annie her full trust fund in one big sum to teach her some responsibility. Sid doesn’t think it is such a good idea and neither do I. However, it occurs to me here that had this been a later season this storyline may have dragged on further. I also suspect that Susan wants this trust fund released so she can steal it and live on it since she spent all of her money and is now penniless.. but of course, I may have seen one too many soap operas.

Susan wants Richard’s opinion and Richard decides he wants some of that old woman Phillby so once he discovers Susan is in town for the weekend, he rushes home where he tells his wife, “You must think I’m a monster, of course you can go visit your father, then I can go bang our neighbor’s ex-wife.” Laura gushes, “Oh Richard thank you.” And people wonder why the character of Laura becomes so cynical.. hello this is sarcasm in the making.

Once Laura is gone, Richard stops over at the Fairgates and pretty much invites himself to dinner. He tells Karen that they should all go out, dinner and dancing. Just then Susan appears from behind them. She hears Karen says, “Oh, so you and Susan can be a couple. I don’t think Sid will go for it.” Susan chimes in, “Of course he will, it’s a brilliant idea.”

We finally get some Gary Ewing action when Gary and Sid are walking around in Sid’s private part of the dealership where he keeps all of his classic cars. Susan appears from out of an old Thunderbird and I wonder if she thinks she’s Suzanne Somers from American Graffiti.

Gary, having said his three lines of dialogue for this week, leaves the two alone. Susan decides to bring out the big guns and tells Sid that he was the most sensitive and giving lover she ever had. She found him under a car and that’s where they should’ve stayed making love every single day. I just about vomit but she doesn’t stop. She gets closer and closer and tells him that she needs to feel the Fairgate one more time. She won’t ruin his marriage; she just wants some quicky loving. It seems her crabby old mother died and she met some new faboo guy who ditched her and now she’s feeling all, well, Phillby.

Karen realizes she may have gotten in over her bun when her and Sid discuss the day’s activities. She tells her husband that if there is something he needs to do then he should do it. I think, “Have you gone mad? Has that bun finally done you in?’ But then I realize its Karen and things will probably work out all right.

Meanwhile, Eric stops in to see Ging one more time, this time bringing more records and lasagna. The Ging tells him that she has already eaten and in a moment of pure genius, she realizes the little Eric may be after more than Kenny’s stash of Sylvie records. She turns off the music and asks him if he has a girlfriend. She tells him that her sister, Jill (upcoming episode alert!) is coming to town next weekend. She’s 14 and just started dating and they should hook up. Eric feeling dissed, leaves the lasagna and gives Ginger the records. The Ging just smiles and I can’t help but wonder if she’s smiling because she’s touched or because she just broke the heart of a horny 15 year old. You never can tell with The Ging, she’s just so complex.

Dinner and dancing moves along quite slowly as Sid doesn’t utter a word. Karen wants to know what happened between the two exes at the garage but he won’t speak about it. Later, as our gang sits, Susan declines another glass of wine while Kar Bear takes the whole bottle and swigs it. I like the drinking Karen much better than the post prescription Kar Bear who though never chastises anyone, never takes a sip of gin herself. Anyway, Susan asks Sid to dance and Karen gives her permission, and then realizes she might as well dance with Short Pants Avery.

Richard and Karen watch as Susan edges closer to her husband’s ears .. with her phillby lips! Susan tells Sid that she is packing tomorrow and moving to the Beverly Hills Hotel where he can check in on Monday morning. He tells her what Karen told him about doing it and Susan practically gets giddy. Sid tells the would be lover that Karen gave him a choice because she knew he wouldn’t go through with it. This annoys Susan to no end so she grabs her big white fur coat and makes Richard take her out of the place. Karen realizes now that they are in way over her bun.

Richard drives Susan to the overlook that every TV show or movie has to show us. They talk about the scenery and Susan suggests they just leave the spot and drive until she tells him to stop. Eventually we find out where they ended up as we see them pull into a motel. “Any objections?” she asks. Richard, of course has none.

Back in the sac, Sid is staring out the window. Karen tells him that she’s sorry that she invited the woman into their house but she just wanted to be civil. Sid is sick of her civil act and knows she did it all so she could test his fidelity. Karen tries to pretend that isn’t the case but you know when she’s lying.

The next morning, there is still no sign of Richard or Susan in the cul-de-sac and Karen says, “Well good. At least they didn’t do it in Laura’s bed.”

Meanwhile at the Moonriver Motel, Richard is putting on his clothes while Susan does up her face. He tells her that he is always hungry after sex with a special guest star. He wants to tell Laura to stay a couple more days. Susan asks why he would do that? “Well, since we got to know each other better, maybe we can see where we go from here?” Susan tells him he can go to hell and she can go back to Philly, that’s where they’re going.

Susan arrives, still wearing her white fur and tells Sid that she went too far. She always goes too far but its one of the things she likes best about herself. Sid tells her, “if only that were true.”

She looks stunned and our Saint Sid says, “That you liked yourself.. at all.”

Susan decides she needs a cup of joe after that lengthy tongue lashing from her ex-husband. She finds Karen doing a crossword and decides to sit a spell. “I was just telling Sid how I go too far,” she tells our Kar bear. “Its an old habit.”

“Perhaps you should break it,” says feisty Fairgate.

Susan tells Karen that she had Sid in the palm of her hand, but she moved too fast. Karen asks if he told Susan that he wanted to bone her in the back of a Thunderbird. Susan says no and Karen gives wise advice when she says, “Wanting something and doing it are two completely different things.”

Karen admits to the Phillby that she wanted this competition and she knew what Susan wanted right from the moment she hopped out of the cab. Susan wants to know why she played into the hands, “He would’ve never chosen you,” says Karen, “You’re not good enough for him.”

Susan realizes her guest spot is probably over and heads off into a taxi. Richard stops by the driveway and tells Sid that he and Susan just drove around all night. Sid goes back to the house and tells Karen what Richard said. She asks if he believes him and Sid admits its what he is going to believe. Karen confesses everything to her husband about her wanting him to choose between her and Susan. She knew he was in love with her when they met and when they married and she just wanted him to choose and to choose in front of her. Sid admits that he knew he loved Karen and not Susan when Diana was sick. I figure since Diana seems pretty sick to me, these two will love each other forever!

And there you have it folks, the arrival and de-rival of Sid’s first wife. She came, she tried to get a little Sid, she got a little hair in her fingernails from Richard’s back instead and she headed off into the Philadelphia sunrise..

But next week kiddies, oh yes next week, our Ging gets to shine and shine, for she’s having a constant companion.. but who is it? Is some crazed killer stalking her? Is it some geeky co-worker out to get a little action? Or is it a special guest star trained in the art of Barnes Wentworth?

Well, I’m not telling.. not until next week anyway

bradley

posted by swivek @ 5:07 PM