Bradley's Buzz

21 Years Ago In Knots Landing...

21 years ago in Knots Landing..

Valene was finally recovering from her bout with the Verna Ellers while Detective Karen Mackenzie was hot on the trail of Dr. Ackerman, finally believing Val's earlier claims that her babies hadn't died in child birth, in other places Cathy and the bible thumping lunatic Joshua had tied the knot, and Laura was about to have some very fun little chats with Greg's mother Ruth after all, nice girls don't quip ...

and they don't steal other women's babies.. but they do leave people talking about their barely there wedding dress and they do go after evil doctors and occasionally, they bonk the beejesus out of their investigative reporter boyfriends!

Okay…I'm practically ready to pop some escodine after rewatching the emotional upheaval I’ve just witnessed known as "Four, No Trump" so I feel I must, simply MUST comment on all that I saw with my baby blue slits… so let's revisit April 11, 1985 shall we?



Episode #126 (06.26) "FOUR, NO TRUMP"
Original Airdate: Thursday, April 11, 1985

We begin with an aerial view of what Las Vegas looked like in 1985. Deep inside the city of sin is our matron of martyrdom Karen Mackenzie. She has tracked down evil Dr. Ackerman and she introduces herself with a big Mackenzie grin. "Hi, I'm Karen Mackenzie. My best friend Valene had twins last November and you stole them from her? Do you remember this incident?" Ackerman tells her he doesn't like her threats and she'd better stop hounding him.

"Look, Dr. I've already missed a doozy of a wedding so I have all the time in the world." The doctor gives her a big speech about how babies are a miracle and he's privileged to be a part of their birth. Karen tells him it’s a wonderful speech but his act isn't going to convince her. She tells him he needs to reunite the babies with their mother. She heads back to Knots Landing as we all know all she wanted to do was find out if he knew something and sure as Karen is the international lie detector, she knows he knows what she suspects he did. (Got it?)

Back in Knots Landing, Abby and Gary are talking about the little (and they mean little) dress that Cathy wore as a bridal gown. This brings me to a couple points regarding Miss Geary's sans Mrs. Rush's dress. The points are
1. Just because you dress a little on the slutty/trashy side doesn't make you a slut or trash. You could just have a good time with your fashion like Cathy and
2. Just because you dress conservatively (albeit eye shadow from Hell) and act sophisticated doesn't mean you aren't a slut and trashy like Abby. So next time you see a gal wearing a micro mini, stilettos and a barely there top don't think she's slutty (oh wait the next time you see it, it will be on Paige and yes she is a slut)…



Back to Abby and Gary, the talk of Cathy's dress gets the humpaholics so hot they decide to do it right there. Abby asks, "When are the kids expected home from the McConnell’s?" Gary tells her, "some time next season I suspect."
"Well, then, let's get rolling," says the Abster; but of course a ranch hand interrupts them telling the Ewings there was an accident with the McConnell’s car up the road.

Abby grabs her fur coat as I'm sure it’s devastatingly cold outside on this particular California afternoon and if not, one must look fetching if one is to pick up injured children on the side of the road. Abby is freaking out in the car, realizing the only thing she cares about more than money, sex, power and Maybelline is her children,
"If anything happens to little Miss O and oh, god what's the other one's name, Gary what is it? Oh yeah, Brian. All I care about is Odessa and Brian. They mean the world to me.

The power duo arrives and finds much to everyone's relief that the children are okay. Apparently a drunk driver came driving down the road and ran into the McConnell’s.

Val is at Ben's beach house where to prove to her man that there is nothing wrong with her, she decides to go for the gold and practically jumps on poor Bennie. "Come on Val," says the investigative reporter, "Mack's not even this rough. Although he does yell a lot more." Val, seemingly forgetting she is not really this slutty proceeds to take him right there next to the flannel couch. Apparently those striped pajamas of Benjamin's were too much for her. I completely understand as my Knots hating man has almost the exact pair.

Back in the sac, Karen has arrived back to her home and is in bed with her man the Mackie. She tells him she knows Ackerman knows about the babies. His speech was so rehearsed she thought she was doing a scene with Kim Lankford. She wonders how the wedding was and Mack admits he found the bride’s gown to most fetching. Karen wonders about the elusive Whitney and Mack admits she was quite fetching as well. Karen is disappointed she didn’t get to meet her so Mack says, “Guess who’s coming to dinner?” and finally someone acknowledges the girl is black… sort of. Karen continues to pine over the whole babies thing so Mack tells her we will get to the bottom of this. She
is so happy that he said “we,” she thanks the producers in a silent prayer for offing her first husband.

Val is up and walking the beach house as she realizes she must run home to the bathroom mirror and curse herself out for being slutty. Ben wakes up and since she doesn't have the red Thunderbird offers to take her home. She gets her speech already for her bad girl rant, "dirty, dirty tramp. You tramp. What did you do? You dirty tramp." Much to Joan Van Ark's chagrin, the producers tell her they've already done this scene in Nevada and its not required this time around.

At the Ewing ranch, Abby can't sleep either. She just stares at her little Miss O realizing she could've lost her children and that's the only thing that keeps her character balanced enough to not turn into Alexis Carrington. Gary comes in and tells her she should come to bed. “You’ve been checking on them every hour, they’re fine.” Abby promises to go to bed after she reiterates to the viewing audience she is not a Maybelline monster who steals children from their mothers.

The next morning, Gary drives his Jag all the way to Greg’s ranch to tell him that yes he will join the Empire Valley National Security Eavesdropping and Weapons Project. Although he does admit to Gary his mare doesn’t like men.


Miss African Safari Mama Ruth is out shopping the streets of Knots Landing with her chauffer when she runs smack dab into Laura and Lilimae. Ruth wonders if the two cul-de-sacers are still shopping for the wedding. Lilimae tells them the gift is for their room. "They're going to live at Val’s!" says a shocked Laura. "Does Cathy know this?"

My guess is probably not and she won't know until Joshua delivers her last bag of headbands to the room across from his Mama. Ruthie invites the gals to lunch. Laura tries to decline but Lilimae is, of course, all for gossiping with a guest star.

At Lotus Point, Abby is busy channeling her guilt through subtle eyelash twitches when Karen knocks on her door. Karen wonders what Abby thinks of having Eric as the Assistant Manager of Operations. Abby is all for it for she’s feeling generous regarding children today. That pesky Sherry comes walking in telling Abby she has an urgent call from some man who won’t take “no” for an answer. Abby is still reluctant to take the call but Karen
leaves so Abby is left alone on the horn. You’ll never even guess who is on the line! Yes it’s that awful evil Dr. Ackerman.

Abby tells him she has been trying to get a hold of him as well. But he isn’t making the call to set up a golf date he tells Abby that Mrs. Mackenzie found him and he wants Abby to put a stop to all of Karen’s meddling. He tells her if she doesn’t keep Karen off his back Abby will be going down with him. "But I didn't do anything!" yells Abby. "Tell it to the jury," says Ackerman. Abby freaks realizing she wore all her court outfits during Gary's murder trial.

Greg is so thrilled to have Gary on board he decides to have a little board meeting at the ranch. Gary, Greg, Johnny Brit and the old men talk all about government sanctions and the work they will someday be doing. Gary says everything sounds just peachy and should be ready in about six months. This doesn’t sit well with Greggie however, as he wants things moved up.

While the boys talk, Mackie drops by to drop off Galveston's papers. I yell to my curly haired pal, "Don't do it Mack. The key to Val’s babies is in their you fool!" Mack doesn't listen; he thinks his storyline is over. Apparently he doesn't realize there are still four episodes of the season left and he's a major player now.

After the meeting wraps up Johnny Brit tells the Garmeister that he may not like the stakes of this new game. He is going to have to lie to loved ones and he may end up being hated. Gary doesn't mind, "Just last season I had everyone thinking I was dead. I even had a funeral. I'm buried somewhere on my ranch. It was all worth it though cause I got to bag that hot singing ranch hand.. Yes, I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll." "Focus, Gary," says Johnny Brit.

The ladies who lunch have a little conversation with Lilimae milking our special guest star for every African safari story she can muster up. Lilimae is on the edge of her seat wondering what she would do if a wild animal came after her.

“I wouldn’t know what to do, would you Laura?” asks Lilimae.

Laura says, “I don’t know I’ve had my fair share of experience with wild animals lately.”

Ruthie tells her, "Don’t quip Laura…nice girls don't quip.”

"Yeah," says Lilimae who would sell her country bumpkin soul for anyone with a good back-story.

Laura realizing she may not be such a nice girl since all she has to offer the conversation is her infamous quips opts to leave the lunch. Ruthie then prods information from Lilimae on Laura. Lilimae gives the old Richard was a lug who just up and hitched out of town one night. She doesn't tell Ruthie about Laura and Ciji's supposed drives up the coast to the all girls retreat in Sarasota but Lilimae may not know everything. Ruthie confesses, "Isn't this so nice. You and me together. You know the only way the producers got me away from my puppy dogs in London was to promise I'd get to do a scene with another great 50s movie star. And here we are, right on a nighttime soap. Isn't it lovely?" Lilimae tells Ava, "Sister, you're breaking character. Focus."

Ben stops in to take his Val pal out for lunch. She isn’t ready for a trip to the museum or anything else, as she has been steadily writing since he dropped her off the night before. Ben tells her he will see her that night and Val thanks him for the time alone, before going back to her typewriter and it’s empty paper.

That evening, there is a big fandangled barbeque at the Mackenzie’s. Mack comes in with the steaks while Karen raises her glasses for a toast, “Here’s to Eric, the new Assistant Manager to Operations.” Everyone is so pleased and happy even that little Whitney who is at the table. Ben suggests they have another toast since Valene has started writing a new novel. Val suggests they toast her after the book is completed, but who can hold a drink until the reunion?

Valene switches the focus to the new girl asking Whitney if she is still in school. It seems Whitney is a History major which just prompts Mack to take over the conversation mentioning he went to Sumner’s to drop off the Galveston papers and there were a whole slew of old white guys there. Ben asks Mack if he wants to play touch football with Gary that evening or something like that. He also wants to know why Mack gave the papers back. “Look the killer is in prison, my storyline is over.”

Meanwhile, Greg is handing out ice to his favorite dames. Ruthie mentions she had lunch with Laura and Lilimae that day. But before he can make too many snide remarks that Maybelline maven shows up to wreak havoc. It seems there is important and urgent business she needs to talk about. When the duo leaves Ruth and Laura alone, Ruth tells her, “She sure does drop in often doesn’t she?” Laura suggests they call an exterminator.

Back in the cul-de-sac, Mack and Ben take a stroll to the backyard where Mackie wonders what is going on with Ben and Val. Ben admits sometimes she is just like season five Val but other times she is plain nuts. Mack reminds Ben the Val has gone through the Verna Ellers. Ben realizes she needs time but Mack did want to know what the story was. He also asks Mack one more time if he wants to go visit Gary for some info on the Empire Valley thing.

In the kitchen, our Val has her hair all winged out like the white dove she is so we all think she must be just peachy keen… but she tells Karen she is just acting the way everyone wants her to. She knows Ben notices but from the time she gets up to the time she lays her wings down she doesn’t feel right. She gets up as she has a prone to do and turns around, as she is prone to do, she tells Karen, “I know those babies are alive. I felt their life inside of me and it never stopped. Oh Karen, am I going crazy again?”
I think, "God I hope so." Karen assures her that it will just be a matter of time until she realizes she's not completely out of touch…I suspect four episodes!

Back at the Galveston Ranch, Abby has some heavy story to lay on Greggie. She tells him when Easton was working on the water rights for her, he told her he was going to talk to Galveston. In the meantime Valene was pregnant… Greg says, “Can you hurry up I have a dinner to attend.” Abby punches it up a notch telling Greg she off handedly mentioned to Scott how she wanted Valene’s babies not to happen. Greg wonders why it would bother her so much and she tells him Gary and Val were married and he is always just so protective of her. Greg realizes the babies are Gary’s and Abby admits the truth, mentioning Gary still doesn’t know.

She goes on to tell Greg how her water lawyer promised her a big bonus and she didn’t know want he meant. Around the same time Valene went into labor and Gary went running to her as usual. She thought for sure Valene would tell him everything but instead Gary called and told her the babies were still born. Right after that she got the infamous phone call asking about the father’s blood type then she received the second infamous phone call telling her the babies were put in a good home and she wasn’t to worry. “The babies are alive?” asks Greg.

Abby tells him she is fairly certain they are. Greg wonders why Abby didn’t do anything with her information. She tells him when she figured it out she tried to get in touch with Easton but he was on a Galveston jet that never let him off and by the time it all came down Valene was already gone. “Why didn’t you do anything?” he asks,



“I didn’t know what to do, that’s different than not doing anything at all.”

Meanwhile, Laura is loving her bonding time with Safari Ruth. Ruth says, “Those two sure have a lot to talk about don’t they?” Laura decides she has had enough of the woman and tells her she is leaving. Ruthie suggests she have a nice ride home.

At the Ewing Ranch, Gary is sharing his seltzer with the other boys of KL town. Ben and Mack want more info on the Empire Valley and Gary does his first deceitful thing by telling the boys as long as he has something to do with the project it is going remain on the up and up.

Back at Galveston Ranch, our Greggie is still confused as to where this is going with the devil of Knots Landing so Abby tells him even more secrets mentioning how her first husband took her children from her,

“I’ve never felt so alone in my life…” she says.
“I’m touched,” says Greg.
“I don’t care if you’re touched,” says Abby,
“Look you know I do anything I can to get what I want but I don’t do this, I don’t take babies away from their mothers.”

Greg, thoroughly exhausted by now asks what Abby wants from him. She thinks the answers to where the babies are is somewhere in Paul’s files. Greggie being the ever-giving man he is, gives her the whole box of papers.

“On one condition," says Greg, “I never want to hear about this again.”
Abby assures him that is a promise she can keep.
“I hope you find what you’re looking for,” he tells her.

After she leaves, he opens his drawer and there are the actual papers Abby needs. The Abster may be the blue-eyed devil of Knots Landing but Greg has to be the VO5d greased runner up.

The next morning, Greggie shares a little orange juice and sarcastic banter with his Mommy. She wonders what place Laura has in his life. Greg tells her Laura is sticking around so Ruth tells him she will be nice to her.

“I didn’t ask you to be nice to her,” says Greg.
“But I’m nice to all your friends” says Ruth, “Take Abby Ewing,”
"You take her, I’ve had her," interrupts Greg.
"I like that girl,"admits Ruthie,"she is full of spunk.”
“You’ve always been a great judge of character,”says Sarcastic Sumner before offering Mumsie a biscuit.

At Lotus Point, Abby is knee deep in Galveston papers but it doesn’t look like our girl is finding anything but worthless Galveston trivia.

But wait there’s more, here is that nutty Sheila Fisher walking her twins down the neighborhood sidewalk. She passes a rather nice car and who should be inside but Greg Sumner!

What will happen next? Will Greg hold the baby card over Abby's head? Does Abby have an ace up her sleeve? Will Val let Ben know that she's not really playing with the full deck? Will Cathy sing "Queen of Hearts" when she returns? I guess we'll check back next week!

posted by swivek @ 9:15 AM