Bradley's Buzz

Today's Bubbatune - Kristy McNichol

One of the greatest things about the digital download era, is you are able to find those rare and strange songs people have. Until the powers that be are able to put out every single album ever released onto CD, I am going to be forced to raid people’s closets for classics like Kristy McNichol’s music.

KRISTY McNICHOL : PUMPIN' (bub 14)
Cover Designed by Bradley Jacobson

Track List:
1. Pumpin' & Blowin'
2. He's So Fine
3. Hangin' Up The Gun (w/ Dennis Quaid)
4. Hold On
5. My Boyfriend's Back
6. I Need You Strong For Me
7. Baby Bye Bye
8. First Love (w/ Christopher Atkins)
9. Hot Tunes (w/ Jimmy McNichol)

THE STORY

As a child I was perhaps a tad different than the other kids. I know this surprises all of you as I’ve grown up into such a functioning and normal adult. But back then, I was a bit shall we say “off color.” Most of my time was spent in my room listening to music or watching television. My how things have changed since then! Anyway, one of those shows that were running on basic cable in between my endless runs of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” and “Rhoda” was the little drama “Family.” It’s always interesting to me how little things I like which seem unrelated end up being connected in some way. In this case “Family” a drama about, well a family, was produced by David Jacobs who ended up writing and producing a little nugget known as “Knots Landing” – my ultimate fav in all of television history.

But I digress, for this is not about David Jacobs, this is about little Buddy, or at least that was Kristy McNichol’s name on the TV show. She was the precocious youngest child, a bit of a tomboy and a bit of a star. She was great, and how I longed to be so masculine. I would watch her, imitate her in the mirror and pretend I too was a tomboy.

Around this time, Kristy had made some movies as well. I always liked her as she was spread heavily through out my Aunt Sarah’s Teen Magazines. So was her little brother Jimmy and in the greatest casting decision this side of Dolly Parton as Doralee Rhodes, Kristy and Jimmy were cast in a TV movie about siblings – one of which (Jimmy) joins one of those crazy 1970’s cults everyone was so worried about. It was great, and once again I studied Kristy for she was so much more of a boy than Jimmy could ever hope to be.

Kristy’s biggest role was in “Little Darlings” where her and Tatum O’Neal made a decision they were going to lose their virginity at summer camp. I was only allowed to see bits and pieces of the film, for I believe it was what my mother deemed, “filthy.” Oh how I wondered what a virginity was and why someone would want to lose it so desperately. I also wondered how you got rid of it and if you didn’t want it, why would someone else be willing to take it from you? I asked my mother if, like Kristy I had virginity. She ignored my question and years later I would find out that I did indeed have it and there was many a scoundrel willing to take it.

When I wasn’t watching cable television, I would sometimes venture outside to see how the neighborhood kids could come up with new ways to taunt me. One day, a new family moved into the neighborhood. The Schroeder’s and what a family they were. Those McNichol siblings had nothing on this team of white trash fabulousness. The youngest siblings were the only ones still living with their parents and the girl, Miss Samantha Schroeder. Right there I decided, she would be my friend, whether she liked it or not. Of course I picked the girl, for those boys just didn’t have the same interests as I.

Sam was a lot older than me and like any new resident in our scumbag little town, she was immediately dubbed an outcast so I knew I had a friend. Sam moved into an apartment building next door to our neighbors across the street, the Dubersteins. (I swear I don’t make this shit up). The Dubersteins were all over Mosinee, in fact there were so many some would say they weren’t related to the lower class Dubersteins, but we all knew better, we just didn’t talk about it.

The across the street Dubersteins had a daughter named Jodi, who happened to be my age. We went to school together all those years and probably spoke about three words to each other once high school started, but at this time Jodi was still conversing with me and dare I say, acting an awful lot like Kristy McNichol. She had the brown hair, she had the manly stance, she had a love for basketball…

So Sam, Jodi and I began hanging out that summer. Not too much as I didn’t want my television viewing to be interrupted, but enough to get me out of the house, learn how to play HORSE (it’s a basketball game for those who have no concept or desire to play real basketball) and we talked. This was probably the worse thing that could’ve happened, for even then when I talked, I TALKED. For some reason, I’ve always felt if you have something to say you should say it in five hundred million words and let everyone know exactly what you’re feeling, whether they like it or not.

What I had discovered in that pre-pubescent summer is that I liked boys. Now this may seem strange for I never had kissed a girl let alone a boy, but for some reason I just knew the boys were the way to go. So one afternoon while Sam and Jodi shared their ideas on who was cute and who was not, I decided I’d share too.

I had recently discovered a teenage boy named Jeff Beste. I had never talked to him and now I don’t even recall where I saw him. All I know is I saw him and I liked what I saw. So I told the girls how Jeff Beste and I would be married. I didn’t know how this was going to happen or when, I just knew it would. All I had to do was tell him and I’m sure he’d fall head over heels in love with me. Maybe I’d ask him if he wanted some of my virginity, after all I didn’t need it. I was going to be like Kristy McNichol.

Needless to say, my revelation didn’t sit too well with the girls but that didn’t stop them from hanging out with me. In fact it probably gave them something to talk about when I was in the house watching my re-runs.

Around this time, Cinemax began airing “The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia.” I had heard the song numerous times though in my young mind, couldn’t really understand the sheer drama of it all. Now I understand “the sheriff has blood stains on his hands” because that bastard in the night was responsible for killing Vicki Lawrence’s little brother and “little sister don’t miss when she aims her gun.”

On a side note, the movie opens with a Tanya Tucker version of the song (I love Tanya…one more strange connect the dots moment) but the song has different words. I’ve always wondered why a movie based on a certain song would then change the words of the theme song to something different. Oh, those Hollywood hoo has.

In the film, it’s Kristy McNichol who plays “Little Sister” to Dennis Quaid. They’re a brother/sister country/rock band traveling from city to city, with no money and Dennis’ lack of morals. They stumble upon a redneck town in Georgia where Dennis falls for the slutty girlfriend of the town’s sheriff. Meanwhile, my girl Kristy knows its bad news and sings her little heart out at the bar. “Bye Bye Baby” she sings with her Kristy growl and I almost died. I was in Heaven and discovered even in her white jumpsuit, Kristy McNichol was cool, in that very white bread way.

Then a miraculous thing happened, I stumbled upon a little movie called “The Blue Lagoon.” Again, this was something Mother did not approve of, though of course she had seen it herself at the theater – forty two times. In it, Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins are shipwrecked all alone on an island as small children. I thought it looked interesting but my Mama insisted it was “Filth.”

Well I saw a preview with Christopher Atkins wearing some kind of diaper thing and thought this is one movie I refuse to let go by. Kristy can rid herself of her virginity without my prying eyes, but Christopher’s naked body is going to be seen by me.

So one night, when the parents were fast asleep I slipped into the living room and found Cinemax and watched the movie. I was way confused by the whole thing since there really isn’t much dialogue. Years later I would realize this was probably for the best but at the time I didn’t get it.

In the film, the shipwrecked kids end up growing up and wearing very little clothing. They swim, they catch fish, they laugh, they fight and then Christopher Atkins does something I didn’t quite understand. He grows into a regular Hottie and then sits on a rock with his back to the camera where he begins pulling at something. I tried to look around his shoulder, wondering what it was he was pulling and why this was important to the film. I wondered if perhaps he was ridding himself of his virginity. As it turns out, in a way he was.

After being confused for most of the summer, something unimaginable happened. No, Jeff Beste didn’t come around but by then I wasn’t actively pursuing him for I found out his parents owned Beste Funeral Home and I wasn’t sure if that was the environment I wanted my children growing up in.

Instead previews began coming on my beloved television about a new movie musical starring Kristy McNichol and Christopher Atkins! I just about wet myself. I was so excited I was sure I had lost my virginity right there.

I informed my mother I had to go see this film, as I was sure it was better than the two films I had seen in the theater and already deemed classics – “Grease” and “Roller Boogie”. My mother was sure she could at least drive me before sneaking herself into “Summer Lovers.”

But it was Sam and Jodi who really came to the rescue. They too wanted to see “The Pirate Movie” and with my gal pals in tow, why I would be so cool Jeff Beste would be sure to notice how grown up I was. So my mother dropped the three of us off at the theater and I got to see the glory that was “The Pirate Movie” right there on the big screen.

The film began and there was Kristy McNichol as poor downtrodden Mabel hanging out with a bunch of slutty girls who don’t really like her. I suddenly looked over at Jodi and Sam with a mild touch of resentment.

Christopher Atkins meanwhile was putting on a demonstration of sword fighting (get your mind out of the gutter) for “Pirate Week” on whatever pier this film was supposed to be set at. Finally, he finishes and all the slutty girls, and of course Mabel are just fawning over Christopher’s “Frederick.” So they all decide to take a trip on a boat, but first they send poor downtrodden Mabel to fetch them some McDonalds. Once again, I don’t make this shit up.

So Mabel returns with the food, like those skinny ass bitches would eat McDonald’s. How stupid was this girl… but the girls grab Frederick and push the boat away with poor Mabel holding her greasy fries. But this doesn’t stop our Kristy. She hops on her own sailboat following Christopher & The Sluts through a storm.

Of course Mabel’s boat capsizes and she is thrown overboard, landing on a beach and dreaming of a different place and time… the 1800’s and the world of pirates. In her dream and the rest of the film, she is a fabulous girl with curls and a sassy off the shoulder little white dress who can sing to 80s synthesized pop at the drop of a hat and throw out one liners like a 20 something Phyllis Diller. Oh how I loved the film…

But it just got better for in the middle of the film, Mabel and Frederick meet in this alter universe and form a “first love.” They decide to steal some hidden treasure from the bottom of the sea, which means Christopher has to get one white diaper away from completely nude.

Mabel sends Frederick under the sea while she pumps the oxygen from aboard her tiny vessel and then the 80s drum beat kicks in and she sings “Pumpin’ And Blowin’” while under water Frederick plays with cartoon fish in his wet loin cloth. I tell you if I didn’t like 80s music and boys before then, there was certainly no turning back now.

I left the theater a new person. I decided I didn’t care what Sam or Jodi thought of me or my ideas for a life with the Jeff Bestes of the world. I knew I was destined for great things and would get the love of my life. I would pump and I would blow just like Kristy and in the end, I would find my true love.

In the end, I did, sure it took a number of years and Jeff Beste is probably now a big fat funeral director while I am living in Los Angeles and writing these crazy stories. As for Kristy, she didn’t fair as well as me, or Mabel for that matter.

Our poor girl dropped from the scene because of panic disorders and anxiety problems. She bounced back to star in the sitcom “Empty Nest” with my “Grease” girl Dinah Manoff (one more strange connection of things I like), but again left the show because of her problems. Personally, I think if Kristy would just push her little pootie out of that closet door, perhaps most of her anxiety would go away. But what do I really know about Kristy’s sexual orientation? Sure, she used to show up at the Oscars with a girl on one arm donning a tuxedo but it was the 70s and she was probably just trying to hide her virginity.

P.S. I was wrong about Jodi Duberstein, she is a happily (I’m told) married woman living in Mosinee still pretending she isn’t related to those “other Dubersteins.”


THE SONGS

This very short (9 songs) compilation was one of the hardest to compile. In fact, it was so hard to track down Kristy McNichol’s music; this compilation almost never came to be. With all downloads you can never be sure how well the quality is until you actually get the song on your computer. Half the time it’s not even what you were expecting. Luckily there are Kristy fans out there – fans so adoring they loaded the classic “Baby Bye Bye” to their computer which is THE best song on “The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia” yet never ended up on the soundtrack album. Talk about injustice!

The first step was completed when a lovely girl named Amy (a girl I bonded brought to me by our devoted love of Lisa Hartman) made me a pristine copy of “The Pirate Movie Original Soundtrack”. Her cleaned up versions of the songs made me realize I HAD to make this comp.

My initial plan was to put “Pumpin’ & Blowin’” my favorite song by Kristy at the end of the comp but realized that with it at the beginning, it would surely hook me into Kristy’s musical world and I wouldn’t just fast forward. And so it begins with the nugget that is “Pumpin’ & Blowin’” The song is really the highlight of Kristy’s music and “The Pirate Movie”.

The song has the 80s all over with its thumping pop beat. Think Olivia Newton-John’s “Physical” and you get the picture. In fact that’s not all too surprising when you realize the song (and all the original pop songs from the movie) are written by Terry Britten and Sue Schifrin who were devoted Olivia Newton-John song writers circa 1982. Despite it’s very obvious double entendre message, I’ve always felt “Pumpin’” was written with its tongue firmly in cheek. The song is so catchy and fun, you can’t help but love it. Sure it’s cheese, in fact it’s so cheesy it’s cheez whiz, but gee whiz I love cheez whiz.

The most important thing is Kristy is very believable singing the song. It’s one of her best vocal performances and the song is so sing songy everyone I know can’t help but give it two listens at a pop…

“If you’re treading water and romance is on the slide/you have to swallow something more than water/it’s your pride/huh uh I huffed and puffed just to keep love goin’/I’m done/I’ve had enough/pumpin’ and blowin’”

Then male voices sing in “Pumpin’” while females get “Blowin’.” When watching it in the film with Christopher practically nude, you can see it’s only about two beats away from being soft-core porn. Perhaps that’s why it had such an effect on me.

Thanks to Amy’s robust handling of the CD version to “The Pirate Movie” (not on CD officially so FCC back off!) there are two more Kristy songs to offer – “First Love” and “Hold On.”

“First Love” is the obligatory duet all musicals must do. In this case, it’s when the two characters meet for the first time. It’s love at first sight and we learn it all through this 80s ballad. Kristy really does a great job on her vocals in all the movie’s songs; sounding better than any previous effort and Christopher Atkins (not a singer at all) isn’t too bad either. According to Christopher, the producers amped up his vocals a little and he was surprised saying, “They can do anything, they can make a dog sound good.” And boy that dawg looked good …

In the film, both “Mabel” and “Frederick” get to sing their weepy ballad after all hope of their love affair is gone. Christopher got to do his, which ended up being the only official single, and Kristy’s was “Hold On.” This is one pop song that could’ve been done by any number of artists at the time and released to radio. It’s right out of 1982 and although not on the cutting edge side by any means, it’s pop cheese that would’ve or could’ve surely done some chart action…. Though it’s no “Pumpin’ & Blowin’”

Kristy’s only other singing role in film was in 1980’s “The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia” which is of course another of my all time favs. When I had Alf listen to the Kristy McNichol compilation (He does love me so) the first song heard from the “Georgia” soundtrack is “Hangin’ Up The Gun” a duet between Kristy and Dennis Quaid. I love the song, it’s a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll and Dennis is really quite good. I know he had or has a band in real life and was in fact part of Bonnie Raitt’s big revival in 1988 as they were next door neighbors and he loved her music. (Take that information any way you want to). But Alf just said, “What was it about the 80s that made every actor want to sing?” I don’t have an answer but I do know I liked it.

The biggest surprise for me was “I Need You Strong For Me”, a ballad of Kristy’s from the “Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia”. I didn’t really remember it from the movie and I didn’t expect to like it so much. But this is coming from the boy who is suddenly in love with “Somebody Must’ve Loved You Right Last Night” a Tanya Tucker keyboard heavy 70s number in a very similar vein to this. “I Need You Strong…” is actually a very pretty little number with Kristy singing, “Don’t go changing your life now/cuz I’m changing mine/It’s time that I am free/but I need you strong for me.” It would of course be a lot more effective if Kristy sang in a more recognizable key but anyone who ever heard a Swivek CD knows the off track key can be very effective and Kristy really takes off by the end of the song and something has to be said for one who gives their all in a performance and once you’re this far into the compilation you are so far into Kristy’s world you are ready to drop a tear.

It’s probably no surprise but I like the rock edge of pop music a tad more than ballads and “Baby Bye Bye” was always my favorite Kristy song from “The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia.” She sings with a little more gusto than normally and there’s actually a pretty good guitar solo going on. The only problem is this wasn’t put on the soundtrack so the only version I have is one someone taped from the film which includes dialogue from the movie and a fairly shabby sound. But with a little cleanup the sassiness is at least audible. Kristy growls, “I heard from everyone in town/you’ve been slippin’ around/bye bye/baby bye bye.” I can’t help but think Tanya Tucker was somewhere on the set urging the girl on… “Do it like this, now like this, listen to how I sing and try, try you little boy girl, try!” Whatever it was, it happened and 1979 Tanya Tucker is definitely heard on this track.

The final tracks on this short 9 song compilation are from a 1978 album called “Kristy & Jimmy McNichol”, that’s right I’m not even joking. The brother and sister team who brought you endless Teen Beat covers brought you not only an album but a Kristy McNichol doll as well (but that’s another story)…

Though I haven’t heard the entire album ever I can probably safely assume it is very discoish and very 1978. The three songs picked here are made up of two covers and one very very disco song. In fact this thing is so disco Gloria Gaynor would probably hit the floor.

Kristy does her versions of “He’s So Fine” with the actual Chiffons singing backup (!) and “My Boyfriend’s Back”. The Chiffons song was actually a single credited to the brother and sister team though I don’t hear him at all, but the song actually cracked the top 100 (#79). Her covers aren’t too bad, but they aren’t all that different from the originals and her voice is a tad thin, but we’re talking about a 16 year old girl here who did not have the production advantages of the no talent girls of the 2000s, and I can’t help it – I like them.

The ending song is the fitting “Hot Tunes” which almost was put at the beginning of the CD, but thought others who listened may not get through it all to venture further into Kristy’s musical side. The song is a duet with Jimmy and it begins with those beats only a disco song would have, in fact the music sounds like something from a “ChiPs” episode, it’s that 1978!

“Can’t stop/Strong flow/Sounds so good/on the radio/Stomp my feet/Clap my hands/Surrender to the rhythm dance/The rhythm dance!”

Then the almighty chorus:

“Love those Hot Tunes/Hot flash/like a laser blast/Countdown/All systems go/Flying high/Like a UFO/ Like A UFO! / 10,9,8,7.6,5,4,3,2,1… blast off!”

Oh yes, it’s that good… and the perfect way to end a perfectly dive into the cheez whiz world of Miss Kristy McNichol.. the coolest piece of white bread the world ever saw… or heard.. Oh Kristy, where are you now?

posted by swivek @ 10:19 PM