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While perusing through www.televisionwithoutpity.com I came across a thread about the best TV burns or putdowns. Being a big fan of sarcasm and television I decided to look through it all. It struck me that the ones that made me laugh the most were from those oh so dainty old broads known as The Golden Girls. I love that show and no matter how many times I see an episode, it always cracks me up and usually leaves me in tears. So seeing as everyone loves a good laugh and old ladies, I thought I’d share a few of the quotes I found:

Blanche: Mel and I were meant to be together.
Sophia: But your thighs weren't.
Blanche: I won't stand for this (she gets up and starts to walk out)
Sophia: Take it, Dorothy!
Dorothy: But I'll bet you'll lie down for it!

Blanche: I tried giving up sex.
Dorothy: I guess you fell off the wagon.
Sophia: And on to a naval base!

Dorothy to Blanche: "Oh back off, Blanche. Not everyone has been designated by the coast guard as a friendly port"

Sophia to Blanche: "Beat it, you fifty year old mattress!"

Blanche: "Now if you excuse me, I'm going to sink into a hot tub with just enough water to, barely cover my perky bussoms"
Sophia: "You're only going to sit in an inch of water?"

Blanche to Sophia: "Well what do you know? Sophia has a past!"
Sophia: "That's right, but unlike yours I didn't need pennicilin to get through it"

Blanche: I never had to pay a penny in backtaxes. I have a way with auditors. The last time I was audited I even got money back from the government.
Sophia: Blanche, it's not a refund when the auditor leaves two twenties on your nightstand.

Rose [about her boyfriend Miles]: He makes me feel foolish. I don't even feel comfortable telling him St. Olaf stories.
Dorothy: I want to know exactly what he said to make you feel that way.

Blanche: Mel makes me feel young and beautiful and special. When we're together we laugh a lot.
Sophia: Why wouldn't you, you're both naked.

Blanche: Oh Dorothy, I just talked to somebody back home, and they are doing the most horrible thing! They are tearing down the most important building in Blanche Devereaux's family history.
Dorothy: Oh my God, they're tearing down Mattress World.

Rose: Why are you both wearing black? Did you just get back from a funeral?
Dorothy: No Rose, we were singing back-up for Johnny Cash.

Blanche: I've never been so humiliated in my life.
Dorothy: What about the time you lost the key to your handcuffs and had to go with that guy on his mail route.

Rose: Can I ask a dumb question?
Dorothy: Like no one else.

BLANCHE: What was your first impression of me?
ROSE: I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. [beat] But I was wrong... you don't wear that much makeup.

BLANCHE: Southern girls develop faster than Northern girls. It must be the heat.
DOROTHY: No, I think it's the gin.

Blanche: Well, you know, I have been told I bear a striking resemblence to Miss Cheryl Ladd. Although my bosoms are perkier.
Dorothy: Not even if you were hanging upside-down from a trapeze!

Rude restaurant customer: "Aren't you going to tell me to have a nice day?"
Dorothy: "I don't care if you have a pulse, much less a nice day."

Blanche: If I wasn't such a lady I would deck you.
Dorothy: Try it and you'll be on your back so fast you'll think you're on a date.

Blanche: But I've been disrobing in front of Dr. Kagan for three years. Why would he ask you for a date when he's seen the Promised Land?
Dorothy: I don't know--too many squatters?

And now I'm off to watch some Golden Girls!

posted by swivek @ 4:22 PM