Bradley's Buzz

The 12 Movies Of Christmas

....warped as they may be.

Well the presents have been wrapped and the packages sent out so I am all set for Christmas; okay that's a big fat lie! But the egg nog and the wine are being drunk and I am ever so slowly getting everything done. Three more boxes went out today and I know they won't get to their destinations by Christmas but hey, I tried... in the meantime, I have decided to watch some classic Christmas movies. Okay, they're only classic to me as I do have a strange sense in the film and TV loves but why not try a few of these this Christmas; after all aren't you sick to death of It's A Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story? So here are my top 12 picks for the Bradley Christmas Viewing list. You know one for every day of Christmas...

12. 24 Nights (1999)
Okay this one is probably only for a select few but it's the only gay Christmas movie I know of; Jonathon has believed in Santa ever since an encounter with a Salvation Army Santa when he was 4. Now Jonathon is 24 and desperate for a change in his life so he writes a letter to Santa asking for the only thing he wants for Christmas and of course that one thing stands about 6 feet and is a hunk a burning love. When he meets a new co-worker he thinks his Christmas wish is going to come true? But is it? Ooh, I know can I write a trailer or what? 24 Nights is completely low budget but surprisingly fairly touching; if you're into man on man touching and really who isn't?

11. Surviving Christmas (2004)
Critics be damned, even on Christmas; I know Ben Affleck has a reputation for ruining just about anything he's touched since Good Will Hunting but I really liked this move. It doesn't hurt that I really really like Christina Applegate and think she can save just about anything she's in, and sure the premise is a tad stretched but hello, aren't most Christmas movies just a tad unrealistic? In this one, Ben is rich rich and doesn't have any family so he hires one to act like his own on Christmas. The scene with him and Christina in the park is just plain pretty so bite me if you don't like it, I mean Merry Christmas. As for me, I like this one so much I bought it so I can watch it this year and every year after; so I only paid $2 for it, so what?

10. Smoky Mountain Christmas (1986)
Oh Dolly Parton is so Christmas to me; she sings about it, she stars in movies about it, and she kind of just looks like Christmas to me. In this telepic Dolly plays, well pretty much what she plays in every film, a version of herself. This time she decides to head up to the mountain cabin and upon her arrival she discovers a group of orphans need her help and the mean old Bear Man in the woods is really a big old softy who just needs a big pair of bosums to rest is head on. Did I mention she sings?

09. Black Christmas (1974)
For those who would rather watch sorority sisters being slashed than Dolly take care of orphans this one's for you. The remake opens up next week and from what I've seen of it, it's a lot more violent and crazy than this original but for the record this movie has almost every horror element in it. Think When A Stranger Calls came up with the phone being dialed from inside the house? Nope. Think Halloween came up with the slasher point of view filming? Nope. It can be a little slow moving (Alf thought it was terribly boring) but it's actually quite frightening when you think that you can be attacked and killed in the safety of your own home on such a non sinister holiday as Christmas ... by the way Margot Kidder plays a chain smoking, drinking sorority sister (of about 29) and she rocks it, oh and Andrea Martin plays Phyllis and just for the record Ms. Martin returns in the remake as the sorority mother.

08. Trapped In Paradise (1994)
Put together Jon Lovitz, Nicholas Cage and Dana Carvey and how can you really go wrong? Okay the Leivas doesn't like Nic and I think my pal Amy is afraid of him, but if you watch Valley Girl or this movie you see a whole new side of Mr. Coppola. In this very funny little Christmas flick, Nic and his brothers try to rob a bank in smalltown Paradise only to find themselves in one obstacle after another trying to get out of town. With the gravelly voiced Florence Stanley as their loud mouth kidnapped mother. (Kidnapper: Gladys do you want me to put you in the trunk? - Gladys: "Gladys? What are we sleeping together?) This one is classic.

07. It's A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie (2002)
Okay if you must, simply must watch It's A Wonderful Life then by all means watch this version. Poor Kermie is on the verge of losing the Muppet Theater to mean and greedy Joan Cusack (One of my ultimate favs) and he wonders what it would be like if he had never been born in that swamp. Of course the highlight is Miss Piggy and her endless shenanigans. How I love that pig, plus when it comes to Christmas and the Muppets our only other option is their version of A Christmas Carol and we can't watch that cuz:

1. Miss Piggy isn't quite as entertaining playing Mrs. Kratchit and
2. Alf hates Michael Caine oh and
3. The Leivas must, simply must watch the George C. Scott version of A Christmas Carol (1984) every year and one version is more than enough for me. Then again...

06. Scrooged (1988)
I never thought I'd actually love a version of A Christmas Carol but this movie is hilarious. Bill Murray as a crab ass TV executive, Alfre Woodward as his assistant and Carol Kane as the most violent and crazed Ghost of Christmas ever. Plus a sing along at the end, who doesn't like that? I forget how much fun this movie actually is until I put it in the DVD. Of course I have to watch it alone as the Leivas also has an aversion ot Bill Murray.. geez.



05. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)
This is another classic. Chevy Chase as Griswold is one of the best characters he's ever created and with Julia Louis-Dreyfuss as the yuppy neighbor, a chipmunk in a tree, a cat in a box, and the ultimate kitty shocker. This is hilarious every single time.

04. The Ref (1994)
Another fun family dysfunctional Christmas, this time burglar Dennis Leary in all his top bitterness breaks into the wrong house on Christmas. Instead of finding a bunch of push overs he finds the unhappiest family in the world, full of cattiness, bitchiness and full on fighting which includes Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis as Mom and Dad and Christine Baranski as the loud mouthed sister in law. This is one of my sister's favorite movies and definitely a Christmas classic in the making. By the way, I don't have a copy; hint, hint.

03. Gremlins (1984)
Poor Zach Galligan, not because of what happened to his career - what did happen to his career? Instead I'm referring to his kindly father buying him a cute little Magwai that must be, I repeat must be kept out of water, not fed after midnight and oh what was the other thing? I guess I'll have to watch it again. Of course none of the warnings are heeded and the little Gizmo has a hundred gremlins pop out all over the little town wreaking havoc at the movie theater and on poor bitchy Flo from Alice.

I saw this at the theater when I was a kid and loved though the worst part isn't the disgusting demise of one gremlin in a blender but rather the horrible story Phoebe Cates (what happened to her career?), tells about her worst Christmas ever? I won't give all the details but it involves a chimney and the day she discovered Santa Claus wasn't real.

02. Love Actually (2003)
This is fast replacing every other film ever on Christmas movie lists. Almost everyone I know watches this movie repeatedly, and not always only at this time of year. A multiple layered bunch of characters and their individual stories has some great acting and great actors and if you can get through it without feeling even a little warm in your heart then you are a big old Grinch.

and the number 1 Christmas Movie to make the perfect A Very Bradley Christmas ...

01. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
I can't believe this movie is this old but every year I love it more and more. At Disneyland they redo the Haunted Mansion to be a whole Nightmare Before Christmas thing, there is a ton of merchandise around the movie, I've tried for years to create the perfect Jack Skullington costume for Halloween, it's now at theaters in 3-D and most of all, it's a kick ass film no matter what time of year it is. Poor Jack who lives in Halloweentown realizes Santa gets all the glory so he decides it's high time he take over Christmas and make it ever so special. Of course his version of the holiday is a tad off kilter, just like mine... oh and they sing and sing. I love it and so do you... I know it.

posted by swivek @ 10:16 AM